My OCD

    So what is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Some, if not most, people associate this disorder with the typical idea of someone periodically washing their hands, or having an obsession with cleaning their house. However, there is not a single person has an identical case of the disorder; and there is usually more than one thing that makes the obsessive compulsive person tick. Take Howard Hughes, for example. He would sometimes have to repeat himself dozens of times, he would be afraid of areas that he had not determined OK and germ free, etc. 

    But why do I care? Who am I to talk about OCD? My name is Kristen. I'm 19-years-old and I have been suffering from this disorder since I was nine years old; Ten years. The previous example of Howard Hughes is actually how I determined that I in fact had OCD, before I had it verified by doctors. Leonardo DiCaprio's performance in "The Aviator" had a lot of patterns of OCD that I could see in myself. 

    I still remember my first encounter with OCD. I was sitting on the couch watching TV, when some commercial came on that had a memorable catch phrase. I thought the line was hilarious, so I repeated it  aloud. After I did this I experienced an abnormal feeling of anxiety and pressure. I had to repeat those words. So I did. Over and over again until finally I was able to stop saying them aloud and started repeating it in my head, over and over. At the time I just figured I must have really liked the commercial. But from there, through the years, it built up and got worse. 

    Today I am a very prone to giving into my obsessions. I have to maintain a constant state of left and right symmetry on my body. In other words, what happens to one side has to happen to the other. But on top of that, my mind is hooked on even numbers. Therefore, it takes my symmetrical mind to a whole new level. 

    For instance, if I accidentally bump my elbow on the wall, I have to go back and bump the same elbow just as hard and in the same place as before to maintain an even number. Then, I have to take the elbow that didn't touch the wall and bump it with the same intensity and in the exact same spot two times. 

    With this said, I think it is very easy to understand how this can effect my every day life. At school, I have to count my steps to make sure I take an even number of steps on the same feeling surfaces (rugs suck - because they change the feel of the floor beneath my feet.) I have to maneuver around crowds of people without being touched. And the most embarrassing of all is asking people to borrow their hand, their hair, their foot, their folder, or whatever it is that accidentally grazed my leg, or my hand.

    So I guess the point of me creating this blog is so hopefully someone out there can read this and say, "Hey, I completely understand." Or if not that, at least I can get out some of my stress and emotions from being weighted down by this horrid OCD. I want people like me to know that you aren't alone, that there are people out there who won't judge you, and who can understand you. Because sometimes this disorder just sucks, and it can make you feel alone and vulnerable, but you just have to keep getting up everyday; Keep trying to beat it. That's what I'm trying to do, anyway.

Kristen